Friday, February 19, 2010

As I begin....




“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

---Marianne Williamson


This is my first official start at blogging about the more personal aspects of my life. I decided to start it out my new blog with a quote I found recently that really has stuck with me. I spend everyday measuring myself against many things, my past accomplishments, fears, failures, goals, hopes, desires and even the opinions and expectations of others now and over the years.

Life has taken many turns for me in the past few years….if someone had told me I would be where I am now I never would have believed it. I have had my moments of mourning for the past and my losses. Despite the trauma I have also had so much great support and love. There are so many of my friends and family who have been angels for me. I greatly appreciate them. I am reminded everyday that this life is a test and I am not yet at my destination. When I see it that way it doesn’t matter that I have lost a marriage, my job, been hit by a truck, suffered financial losses, lost my home and even another relationship, one that I had put so much of my heart and energy into.

I have been given so much in the way of my talents and my two beautiful children. The future is still so uncertain but I have my dreams, my faith and my desires to keep me going. I used to be so afraid of everything. I was just paralyzed by the thought that I wasn’t good enough. I was also seeing myself through the inaccurate eyes of others. But I think that deep inside I knew I have so much more…the truth is I was afraid to see what my potential really is and was. It also seemed the more I would push to learn grow and excel the more alone I became. I am not afraid of being alone anymore. I still dislike it but I do not want to hold myself back just so others feel comfortable around me. This is my life’s experience and I want to live my life and really live it, taste it and feel it…and I hope to inspire others to tap into their own energy to do so. Especially my two most precious gifts…my children.

I will only have myself to blame if I live on the terms of others. I do not want to be caught up in that anymore. I am not sure I even wanted to be or even meant to be but through my own fear and insecurities I have not been allowing myself to reach my full potential. I am now on a journey to listen to and follow my heart. I just hope my heart will hold steady without failing me, leading me in truth as I move forward in hopeful faith everyday.
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4 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post! And what a lovely way to start your blog! I think I needed to hear that quote too. I guess we all do. Now and again we have to clear out the new fears that have formed like fungus in our marshy minds. Lol. How's that for an odd sounding metaphor?
    Anyway, I've been dealing with fears again lately too and then after posting about some of them in my blog it helped me to see them for what they were, just silly fears. I thought I had learned that lesson years ago when I discovered 1st Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Apparently I needed to relearn it though. Silly me for forgetting. Fear is a favorite chain of Satan's. Ooo, you have inspired me! I think I'll have to copy this comment to my own blog!

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  2. Thanks for inviting me to your blog!

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  3. What a profound quote! I think it's pretty true for everyone...that's why sometimes life seems like it would be better if we could just sit around and do "nothing" because growing can be very painful. One of the best talks I ever heard said that the only way to grow spiritually is to do things that may be a little "uncomfortable". I've found this to be pretty true. Look at my beautiful children; getting them here really was not all that comfortable to say the least, but it did give me a chance to grow and learn more of my potential as a strong woman. Thank goodness for our divine natures that push us on through difficulties!

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  4. Great quote! I admire all that you are doing to make a life for yourself and your kids after all the heartache you had to go through. Hang tough! I look forward to seeing more posts from you. :)

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